Damn Double Brewed Coffee

If you’ve ever tried to rush the train doors you know what I’m talking about.

Lesson of the day. DONT RUSH THE TRAIN DOORS.

So I’m heading to a meeting uptown this early morning, woke up on the right side of the bed… literally, not in the “great day” kind of sense. Kids screaming at the top of their lungs next door for 45 minutes, coffee brews like weak tea, so between double brewing my coffee (which made it divine) and wiping deodorant marks off my shirt I realize I’m nearly late!

Run out the door and catch the train. Get a seat, my luck is turning around!! Then something terrible happened, and I’m talking some Dante’s second level of hell shit.

I walk calmly and mildly to my next train and see people exiting and the doors open like heavens gates. In my ears is the sweet beats of Skrillex and Diplo ft. Bieber at admittedly harmful levels when as I’m midway through the threshold of what will mean I’m officially “late” for my meeting or a couple minutes early… above the door, I see a warning light blink with the inevitability of a truth approaching.

It all happened in slow motion, I got my bag through the clsing doors and half my arm. Then the doors closed on my bicep! I tried to pull my hand back out and nearly lost my bag on the train (which any sane person would gave let go but damn it if it didn’t have my laptop, iPad and DOUBLE MOTHER F*CKIN BREWED COFFEE in it!). So i had to push the doors open to get inside and reacquaint my body with one quarter of my arm. With all my strength and speed I heave the doors open gasping and grunting like I’m having rough bathroom sex.

Once inside the door snapped shut catching my phone and dropping it to the floor. EVERYONE was staring at me (thye probably thought I tried to rush the door… which I DIDN’T… then again they could have been looking for the beast making all that noise. SO EMBARRASSING!

I grabbed the first seat I saw, sat down and started writing this… just finished and one Asian woman is STILL staring at me. Oh lord this is gonna be a great day…