Losing Weight Is A Fashion Necessity And I Can Prove It
Weight is unfortunately linked to fashion and I can prove it. It’s takes two seconds. Google: “Men’s Style”. Notice one thing that repeats itself… besides skinny cropped jeans? They are all really thin. Okay so this may only be somewhat shocking to me… and god knows why… but the point is, what qualifies as “style” to many people who pin and who upload pics of “stylish” men to their tumblr etc. is a plain loose t-shirt and average washed out denim. Literally like a common cotton t-shirt is considered stylish the second a gaunt guy gets it on his scrawny bod. No. Sense.
So… if you can’t beat em. Join em.
Here’s how to lose 25 lbs in 2 months.
We all know celebs hate carbs… we also know celebs are skin-balls so for this exercise in weight loss insanity, let’s do what the famous people do and let’s cut out the carbohydrates. We may not know why, but we respect the age old tradition of hatin’ on bread so without further ado, cut out as many carbs as possible.
So I just Google’d “What is a Carb” and this is what it showed me… Google is a stupid bitch.
“No” Regina, Butter isn’t a carb… it’s a fat, and we’re going to have to cut those out too. Well some fats are good like avocado and almonds but you still want to limit those so you don’t store unnecessary fat. And yeah… apparently there is “necessary fat” but we don’t care about that, do we. No we don’t. We hate fat. Hate it (Whisper Scream)!
We must keep a journal of every crumb we eat. letting a single morsel go unchecked through our gaping maw will assuredly lose the battle and we may as well roll over like a cow being tipped. (Speaking of cow… I’m hungry.) So write down everything you chomp down but also every bit of exercise you do… so you can see on paper how lazy you actually are. See there is a method to this madness.
Finally, take a photo of you at your heaviest… rolls’n’all and stick it to the fridge. This way you’ll be repulsed at the sight of you and lose that nasty appetite. You will also be thrilled with your results. Have you ever heard the mantra… nothing tastes as good as skinny feels? Well I wouldn’t know if that’s true so let’s find out together.
Another way of losing weight is to limit your calorie intake to around 1500. Here is an awesome calorie projection system that tell you when you how much you need to eat. also eat veggies and totally cut out chips, donuts, soda, cake, candy, basically everything that tastes good and nice and sweet or anything that reminds you of being happy. Yeah… kill that.
So now since looking skinny is stylish, we should be style icons in just a few short months. But in the mean time… GET TO THE GYM! and for the love of fashion put down the fork!